Youthful Democratic Candidates for 2016

WASHINGTON—It was an unfortunate fact in the months leading up to the 2008 presidential elections that John McCain’s age had to be seriously considered. All of the major media outlets appropriately raised concern over the elderly candidate’s fragility.

Perhaps the most devastating evidence brought to light with respect to McCain’s feebleness was provided by janitor-turned-genius, Will Hunting. The results of Mr. Hunting’s brilliant scientific analysis were summarized by this statement he made to the press:

“You do the actuary tables and there’s a one-out-of-three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn’t survive his first term…”

It’s difficult to determine the effect these findings had on the outcome of the election, but it was clear that a candidate’s age was of some concern to the general public, but more importantly, to major media outlets and Hollywood. Had he been elected, John McCain would have entered office at the advanced age of 72.

Fortunately those awkward days of trying to be respectful of the elderly while guarding our country from doddering politicians are behind us. The 2016 elections will see a rash of fresh new faces vying for the most powerful position in the world. It seems the Democrats will be leading the pack in that department.

The odds-on favorite, Hillary Clinton, brings an energetic flare that has been unrivaled in modern elections. As the next President of the United States, this young vixen would be inaugurated at a mere 69 years of age.

But Hillary has her work cut out for her. She must first defeat the effervescent Bernie Sanders, whose countenance reminds one of a sprightly wood imp. If elected, Sanders would become President at only 75, leaving some to question whether he has the necessary experience to lead the nation.

Still considering a potential bid for the White House is the current Vice President of the United States, the boyish Joe Biden. If he decides to run, the fresh-faced Biden will certainly inject new vigor into the campaign. Biden would assume the Presidency at the child-like age of 74.

The 2016 elections are certain to give voters the youthful exuberance they’ve been craving among the Democrat candidates… if they can keep up with them!