Clinton Campaign Signs Nearly Kill Elderly Man

DURAM, N.H.—At approximately 7:30 AM on Friday morning, 80-year-old Mabel Wenglewitz was attempting to transport her husband, Elmer, of 53 years to the hospital. “He had been complaining of chest pains,” Mabel said. “I knew we probably needed to go.” She helped the 82-year-old man into their car and began driving towards the hospital. “I was sure I knew where I was going,” recalled Mrs. Wenglewitz, “But then I started seeing hospital signs all over the place. I followed them for a while, but it seemed like they were leading me in the wrong direction. I drove around for probably about an hour following those signs and poor Elmer was getting worse the whole time.”

It turns out that Mabel Wenglewitz was not seeing hospital signs at all. Rather, they were the trademark “H” signs of the Hillary Clinton Presidential campaign, placed by supporters throughout Duram. “I finally got a good look at one and realized they were those damned Hillary Clinton signs,” Mabel said. “It only took me about 5 minutes to get to the hospital after that. Elmer was coding, but they were able to revive him and he’s doing well now.”